Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
