Screwed.edu
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
