What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
