I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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