I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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