How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
