he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
