Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
