im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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