Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
