You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
