Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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