I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
birth control should be required to get into college
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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