TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
