My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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