ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
