My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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