she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
