he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
