So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
