so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill