my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
