I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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