then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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