You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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