your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
