I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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