Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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