that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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