Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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