can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
