Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have already put on my inside pants.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
