i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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