thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
