oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
