That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
