dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
