I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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