If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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