You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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