Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Holy sore nipples Batman
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This toilet bowl is my home.
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