also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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