I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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