My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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