I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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