have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
