look no pants
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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