I can tuck mytits in my pants
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
