one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
