He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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