if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
