Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
