Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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