So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
