two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
