i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
