How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
