I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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