You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize