so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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