my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize